Lerner Child Development Blog
Open access to my full library of over 150 blogs is now available by becoming a member of Lerner Child Development (LCD). Scroll through thumbnails below or see the button to explore all the blogs by topic.
This subscription service enables me to continue to provide in-depth, reality-based content drawn from more than three decades of helping families solve their most vexing childrearing challenges.
In addition to access to my blogs, subscription to LCD includes several new interactive learning opportunities with me each month: a live, open Q&A and quarterly webinars on key topics. Members are also entered for two monthly drawings for a free 30-min consultation.
Note that I have made some of my most popular blogs available for free.
Blogs By Categories
- All Most Popular Blogs
- Big Reactors
- Building Resilience
- Challenging behaviors
- Cooperation
- Emotional Regulation
- Food Challenges
- Highly Sensitive Children
- Limit-Setting With Love
- Low Frustration Tolerance
- Mealtime
- No Power Struggles
- Parental Self Awareness
- Parental Self Regulation
- Physical Aggression
- Positive Discipline
- Potty Learning
- Regression
- School Related Issues
- Separation and Divorce
- Sibling Issues
- Sleep
- Social challenges
- challenging behaviors
- lying
- masking
- positive parenting
- separation anxiety
- social emotional development
- stress
When Kids Act Like Dictators
"You have to put all my blocks back exactly the way I had them! You are not allowed to touch my blocks!"
"Stop talking to mommy! I have a question and she needs to listen to me right now!"(Shouting at dad who is in a conversation with mom.)
While kids of all temperaments have been known to act like dictators at times, parents who have HSCs (highly sensitive children) report that their children make these kinds of seemingly outrageous demands on a regular basis. If the demand is not met, their kids can be very angsty and unpleasant. There may be a lot of whining or a full-blown tantrum. Many parents have said they feel like they are "negotiating with terrorists" during these encounters.
These moments are so maddening because:
1) The tone the child takes is mortifying and "obnoxious" and totally unacceptable.
2) What triggers the child seems so minor and irrational, and makes parents feel like their they are raising spoiled brats that they need to "toughen up."
This makes it very challenging for parents who are working so hard to be the empathetic, calm, connected moms and dads they want to be.
A common knee-jerk reaction is to admonish or correct: "You can't talk to us that way! It is disrespectful." This tends to amp kids up further. They are quick to shame in the face of being corrected—which they experience as criticism— propelling them into further dysregulation. When their brains are flooded with overwhelming feelings, they are unable to process or learn any lesson you are trying to teach them. (Here's more on how to teach lessons to kids who can't tolerate being corrected.)
What Your Child Needs