A Powerful Tool for Preventing Power Struggles and Helping Kids Make Good Choices

What I love about my work--in addition to interacting every day with amazing moms, dads, teachers and kids--is that even 33 years into my career as a child development specialist, I never stop learning and growing. I am constantly challenged to come up with creative solutions to help parents and early childhood educators effectively address the complex issues they encounter as they go about their most critical responsibility: to help young children thrive.

Here’s a strategy that has proven to be successful in helping children learn to make good choices.  
When giving kids choices, build in time for them to make their decision. For example, at a preschool where I consult, a 4-year-old was grabbing blocks out of her peers' hands. In a very positive tone and with ample drama, I turned to her and said, "Mabel, you have a really important decision to make! This is so exciting! Do you want to hear what it is?" She was immediately all ears. I continued, "You have two great choices. You can take some of the free blocks and help your friends build the tower. Or, you can choose a different activity. This is a really big decision so I am going to give you a whole minute to think about it. Then you can let me know your choice." (Note that I didn't have to say anything about what she shouldn't do which only triggers most kids and makes them less open to problem-solving.) Mabel could barely wait the full minute to blurt out her response which cracked us both up. Then she happily chose to find her own blocks to add to the tower. 

This handy tool has been incredibly effective time after time for, I believe, two key reasons: 1) It focuses on the fact that it is the child's choice; the adult is just following through on the outcome of her choice which diffuses opposition; and, 2) It reduces impulsivity by building in time for the child to think about her decision.

Try it, I think you'll like it!