Not-So-Tiny Victory: When kids get overstimulated

Kayla's (7) grandparents visit every two months for a 4-day weekend. Kayla loves these visits, and is generally great through Saturday; but by Sunday, when their ritual is to go to church together as a family and then out to brunch, she is a total wreck. The intensity of their time together, the constant activity, and just the change in routine is taxing to her. She can't sit still in church, complains incessantly, and in the restaurant she completely falls apart. The visit ends miserably. Kayla's parent are angry and frustrated at Kayla for destroying everyone's special time together. Kayla's mom is especially mortified, feeling so ashamed of Kayla's behavior and her parents' silent but palpable judgment. 

After we analyze this scenario in a consult, mom and dad make a major mindshift: Instead of seeing the situation through the lens of, "What's wrong with Kayla, why can't she just get with the program and control herself??", they view her behavior through the lens of temperament and say to themselves, "Kayla is a big reactor who has a hard time with change in routine; she can also get overstimulated very easily and go into high-arousal and dysregulation when she's on system-overload. It's amazing how well she does all weekend with family visiting." 

With this new mindset, they recalibrate by aligning their expectations with Kayla's actual ability to cope. On Sundays, instead of having her go to church and brunch, now mom and Kayla stay home. During this time, they do their own bible studies by reading and discussing its stories, which Kayla loves. Then, she and mom make brunch for the family to have at home after church, scrapping the restaurant. This has made for a much more calm and pleasant experience for all. ⁠⁠