Not-So-Tiny Victory: Solving a breakfast battle

Mila and Adam were having daily power struggles with their 5 yo, Brie, to get her to eat breakfast in the morning. They adopted my suggested plan—an approach based on the "division of responsibility" (Ellyn Satter): the parents' job is to offer a range of growing foods; their child's responsibility is to choose what and how much they eat. There is no coaxing, bribing, threats, ultimatums, etc. No trying to control the child’s intake as that leads to pernicious power struggles around food, which becomes weaponized, and ultimately results in kids eating less.

While they understood and agreed with this theory and approach, Mila and Adam felt anxious about leaving food intake in Brie’s hands. especially when it came to breakfast.

So I came up with the added step of offering a to-go container to give her a last chance to fill her belly. If Brie chooses not to come to the table and eat, they would pack the breakfast up for her to have on her way to school. 

But what Mila and Adam found was that knowing she could get a to-go container with the breakfast foods, Brie had no incentive to sit at the breakfast table—an important time of bonding for the family before their days begin and they go their separate ways. 

So Mila and Adam adapted their plan to make the to-go options not as desirable as the table foods. For example, for breakfast they would offer cheesy eggs which Brie loves; the to-go option might be a piece of toast or some dry cereal—less preferred, less special foods for her tastes.

Now, every morning Mila and Adam tell Brie what that morning's food options are: the "table" foods and the "to-go" foods so she can make the best decision for herself. This has been a game-changer. Brie more often than not sits for breakfast.