Slow-to-Warm-Up Kids: How to Support Children Who are Cautious About New People and Experiences

Stephanie takes her five-year-old, Jonah, to swim class for the first time. He refuses to get off of her lap and go into the water. The teacher and the other kids are very encouraging, trying to get Jonah to join them. The more they try to woo him, the more uncomfortable Jonah becomes. He starts curling up into a ball and uses baby talk. When he gets home, his grandmother asks him about the class. He doesn’t respond and runs into his room. Stephanie has a strong sense that Jonah is feeling very ashamed about the whole experience. Her heart breaks for him.

Children who are more fearful and cautious by nature are often highly sensitive (HS). When they enter a new situation—be it a classroom, a birthday party, or swim class—their wheels are turning. They wonder: What is this place? What will happen here? Who are these people? What can I expect from them? Will they like me? Will I be safe? Will I be good at whatever is expected of me here? This deep thinking and constant analysis of their environment makes HS children extremely bright and insightful. But it can also be overwhelming and make them more prone to anxiety. To cope, they fiercely cling to their comfort zone, which means they often resist anything new. They tend to have a harder time separating from their parents. It takes them longer to adapt when they start childcare or preschool. They refuse to go to soccer or swimming, even when they love these activities.

What you can do: