How I Reduced Unwanted Behaviors in a Preschool Classroom

I spend time each month providing consultation to preschools to help them understand the root cause of the challenging behaviors in their classrooms and establish developmentally appropriate, supportive strategies for reducing them.

One key insight from these observations is that when teachers correct kids when they are engaging in unwanted behavior, many kids shut down or escalate, becoming defiant, melting down, or getting more aggressive. This is especially true for kids who are highly sensitive, big reactors, by nature. They are quick to shame and process corrections as indictments of their personhood. They get so flooded with emotion that they can’t process whatever lesson the adult is trying to impart and there is no positive resolution or behavior change.

What Works?

Skip the correction and, instead, guide the child to the "wanted," appropriate behavior that is acceptable and that also meets the need the child is struggling with.

In preschool classrooms, here's how it works.

Instead of: “Stop knocking over your friend's tower. That’s not nice. Look at how sad he is," which is overwhelming and shaming, and either shuts kids down or escalates them – neither of which results in any helpful lesson or positive behavior change — I said: "Do you need to knock something over? No problem, you can build your own structure to knock down." I then guided the child to start building his own tower. Problem solved. Lesson learned. No shaming.

In circle time, a child was tapping on the back of the classmate sitting in front of him. The teacher kept correcting the child, getting increasingly aggravated and harsh – telling him to stop, his friend doesn’t like it. She threatened he'd have to leave the circle. The child put his head down and started to whimper. I found a squishy ball, handed it to the “aggressor,“ and said, “You need something to do with your hands, no problem, here you go." The child stopped bothering his peer and fully participated in the book reading.

A child was rolling around on the carpet during circle, bumping into peers and being disruptive. The teacher repeatedly directed the child to sit “crisscross applesauce.“ The child couldn't stop her body. The teacher became frustrated and angry, and told her to leave the circle. The child, very distressed, stomped away and started throwing objects into the circle, escalating the situation. She ultimately was taken from the classroom.

The next time I visited the class, I brought a lap animal (a weighted animal-shaped pillow) and said to the child, "Our doggy friend wants to sit on your lap and share circle time with you." The sensory support plus the idea of taking care of the animal led to a calm, connected circle–time for this child.

When it comes to limit setting or dealing with challenging behaviors, correcting and lecturing almost always results in a child shutting down or escalating, especially if they are a big reactor.

As in many of these stories, the child's sensory need is dictating their behavior. The impulse to meet that need overrides what they know is not acceptable. So when they are told to “stop," they are in conflict because they know they’re doing something unacceptable that's making the adult displeased, but they can’t stop themselves.

Every one of the kids in these stories is a great kid; they're not maliciously trying to hurt others or make them uncomfortable. They need and deserve support and tools, not punishment.